Thursday, March 15, 2012

Being a Christian and loving God has ruined TV

Lately everywhere I look, everything I watch is soooo not appropriate!! I even took out trashy reality tv and still everything has a layer of absolute filth!!! I don't get it. Every show seems to promote and romanticize premarital sex, divorce, negativity, the 'you can do it on your own' mentality-just to name a few. Why? Why doesn't any character on any show I watch have any sort of morals? Out of all the shows I watch there was one character who was saving herself for marriage and that didn't even last! Now I see there are TWO shows with the B word in the title.! If that is in the title I can only imagine what the premise of the show is. Why can't there be some sort of show with any family values at least. I get that God isn't allowed on tv, it is crap but I get it. But why can't there be any resemblance of values???
Back to reading. Yet another reason why I love reading....

Tuesday, February 21, 2012


As a new Mom, everything looks different to me.  Though Walker doesn't understand anything now, we have started discussing how we are going to explain things to him.  Christmas I feel like was somewhat easier, though I’m sure when the actual time comes it may be difficult.  But there will be no Santa Claus in our house.  All the gifts will be from Mom and Dad and that won’t happen until after we read the birth story.  We even started and did it exactly as we planned this year.  Santa can be a story book character and a spirit of good deeds, but not the focus of Christmas for us. 

Easter, however has always been harder for me.  I like to blame society, but really I need to step up.  See it’s so easy to get excited about Christmas.  There is a Christmas season, and everyone is in the spirit (but not the Spirit), and there is just overall a big hub-ub about it.  It is easy to prepare your heart for Christmas and the miracle that was our Savior’s birth.  Which is great, but without Easter and his death-it doesn’t mean much.  We need Easter, because we are a people of sin, a people who needs a Savior.  I wish there were a big hub-ub about Easter so I felt as if my heart was more prepared for it each year.  Each year I don’t feel like I’ve spent enough time with Him, really relishing in the awesomeness of what He did for us.  I usually feel as if, all of a sudden IT’S EASTER, and then one blink later it is gone….

So for the first time, in quite a few years, I am going to celebrate the season of lent, and give something I dearly love up in an effort to grow closer to God and prepare my heart for Easter.  In the past few weeks I feel convicted each time I watch my trashy reality tv (I just found Mob wives….oh my…that is bad…but yet I watched…).  I know that this programing is taking me away from God, but yet I just feel addicted!  So, starting tomorrow, Ash Wednesday, I will no longer be watching any reality tv, which does not have a good stream of God running through it (so I can’t still watch 19 kids and Counting…b/c I love the Duggers!)  Hopefully by the end of it I will see A) how much time that was eating up and B)how much of a detriment it had on my spiritual life. 
Oh yea, and we won’t be having an Easter bunny in our house.  I can’t find any way to trace the bunny to Easter.  We will have eggs, as eggs have a meaning of new life-which is exactly what Easter is about.  And as Walker gets older, I’m sure I will find small ways to make sure he knows exactly how awesome Easter is, and why it is so important.
Until then, I need to go get my fix of bad reality tv, b/c today is the last day I can watch it!!!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Why look, a present!

How fitting, talk of presents on Valentine’s day!  So I am doing a study of the book of James with my ladies bible study.  (Man did God clearly pick this out for me, RIGHT now or what??!!)  I started the study just days after learning Doug was going to be deploying again.  So I pick up my bible and read, James 1:2 “My brethren, count it joy when you fall into various trials”-it’s like he knows the poop platter I was just handed!  James 1:3 “knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience”-woah I’m going to get patience out of this deal-sign me up b/c I don’t pray for patience any more b/c that prayer brought some patience testing people into my life…no thank you-don’t need more of them!  But I digress, this is about gifts. Fast forward James 1:12 “ Blessed is the (wo)man who perseveres under trials because when (s)he has stood the test, (s)he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.”  So if I withstand this trial, I will receive the crown of life-saweet!
Through my digging into James, I know that God has chosen this trial for me.  He handpicked this time of my life, and decided that I needed to be refined in one area of my life or another.  I don’t quite know what it is yet, but I know that he will be there to guide me through it.  God is not tempting me or testing me, but he is refining me.  So in that pretty little box is a separation from my husband, a child who hasn’t mastered sleeping through the night or napping, a weight loss goal, and I’m sure a few other things-all a mini-class that at the end I will come out better (If I stand the trial and don’t try and jump ship and run around the hurdle….).  James 1:4 “But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” 
So for the next few months, my motto is “just keep praying, just keep praying, just keep praying”, because swimming praying will get me through it. 
So when you’re mad at your husband for buying you a toaster, maybe you needed that toaster, like I need this time to grow.  Sometimes we get the gifts we need not the gifts we want.  

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

It’s my ends and I’m allowed to say my end justifies my means

The ends justifies the means: my birth story-let me enjoy it without negativity! 

I didn’t plan it, I actually planned against it, but clearly there were other plans and the ends were pretty awesome.  I’m going to start from the end and go backwards.  The end is-I have a friggen healthy happy kid.  This kid is just about perfect.  (yea he may have just taken 10+ min to cry himself to sleep for a nap, but he’s out now! I call that perfection).  Not a thing wrong with him, health wise.  Oh did I mention he is happy.  Almost all the time (I blame his father).  Unless you are depriving him of food or sleep, he is a happy camper.  And me-I am 11 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight.  If it weren’t for the lack of jeans I’d be happy with my body, but seriously only having 2 pair of jeans to wear is crazy.  I ran a ½ marathon 3 months ago-that’s 3 months after my wonderful son was born.  3 months after my plan did not listen to me. 

The plan-a natural, medication free, non-induced child birth.  The reality- I had a freak rash all over my feet, that was driving me insane.  Nothing helped.  Heat made it worse; and it was August-oh and I’m hot bodied.  So I get super hot super easily.  Oh and did I mention that I had food aversions during my pregnancy and gained way too much weight b/c my doctor told me to eat whatever I wanted when I told him that healthy food made me sick to my stomach, and all I wanted to eat was chips and bread (FAIL!)  So the docs induced me, I didn’t want it, but I wanted my feet to stop being on fire-ALL THE TIME!  And I kind of wanted to meet my kid.  Call me selfish.  Being induced did nothing, kid wasn’t moving, well he was, his large dome was banging against my pelvic bone with each contraction-what a lovely feeling that was!  After 9 hrs I was 3cm dilated (fail!)  I caved, and asked for an epidural, I just couldn’t do it any longer.  They tried to give it to me, but his heart rate dropped and there we were at an emergency c-section.  Within minutes the pain was gone, and I was happy (and warm….man was I warm…like a warm cozy feeling).  A short while later they handed us a happy, healthy, beautiful boy (I had lost my bet with Doug that it was a girl, but won in life b/c I was a mom). 

So yea, I’m a statistic.  Call it what you want.  But, I don’t feel bad about it.  There is nothing for me to feel ashamed about as many articles against c-sections would like to make mommies like me feel.  I didn’t pick the date my child would be born because it was the day most convenient to me, or because I liked the date.  Don’t try and make me feel bad.  (and yes, I realize some don’t have that intention, but think about it…if you are writing about how bad c-sections are, then in some ways you are putting a negative spin on my birth story.  Each time I say I had a c-section, there is a pause before the person ask what happened, and I feel as if I have to explain how there was a failure on SOMEONE’S part-the doctors, me, the kid.  But God clearly had a plan for me.  I had all the education, I had the plan, but God and Walker had another plan).

I have a wonderfully healthy child and I am healthy too!  In the end I can’t ask for anything more!  Would I have like to have had a natural birth, yea, but I’d also like a personal chef, maid and to learn to teleport myself (and maybe Walker and Doug….no more car trips…that sounds awesome…).  Education is great, I’m all for it, but let’s support those whose plans don’t work out quite like they’d like.  You can call me weak, but this weak Mama has a healthy child, and scored a 97 (out of 100) on her PT test (5 mos post c-section).  Weak my patoodle! 

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Mo better...

I know I'm supposed to go to God whenever I have a trial. I'm leading a study on James and that much I've got. Ask, believe that God will and can respond and ye shall receive. But how does ye ask God to stop Walker from continually making the 'uhhhhhhhhhhhh' noise...WHEN NOTHING IS WRONG? On the inside I'm thinking 'God please just SHUT HIM UP!' Seriously Hope, you lead bible study, and that's how you pray? 'yes, that's all I've got.'

Yea, I know God hears my silly prayers, but sometimes I feel like I need to know how to talk to him mo better. You know like I wish Walker would talk to me mo better.

And with that I'm digging into my bible mo better.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Pre-Momma conceived notions

I have noticed that there are quite a few differences between me before I was a Mom and the new Momma Hope.  Here are a few examples:

-Before if I would go out and run errands or something without Doug I would scan parking lots and stores for creepy men.  Now I scan them for creepy baby lovers.  I can’t specify the age or gender because these people come in all shapes and sizes.  (Though to be honest, I do think old people are the worst offenders).  One day I was about to go into a store and was at the car getting my carrier ready so I could wear Walker.  I am just about to pick Walker up from the car seat when I hear a few loud claps SUPER close behind me.  I turn around, and there is an old man less than 2 feet from me, staring at Walker, clapping trying to get his attention.  I wanted to deck him.  (I quickly thought how lucky he is that I don’t actually have PTSD b/c I may have.)

-Before I thought the best diet was war.  No really.  Eating at the same chow hall for six months really does wonders for your diet.  Especially when you are in love with the salad bar, only to learn salad is fiber and you are eating a TON of it!  Or the flip side, send your husband to war and you go play with the Army for the summer and work with dead people’s stuff.  Yea, pretty good diet there too.  Now the best diet is the “I will do anything, no matter how time consuming it is, to ensure that you are not screaming.  Holy crap it’s 4pm and all I’ve eaten is a power bar and some peanut butter crackers?!!”.  I know this will be followed by the toddler years of “dude, that was on my plate” and the soccer mom years of “dude, you have soccer and football AND piano today?!!!”.  

-Before I honestly thought Moms were kinda lazy and just didn’t care about what they looked like, thus things like the mommy jeans.  Now I realize sometimes don’t even have the time to not care, because taking care of the little one is sooooo much more important than fixing your hair.  Besides chances are that he is just going to try and puke in your hair anyways!  Though a daily shower is still a requirement (well most days anyways)
-Before I thought shopping for new clothes for me was the best!  Now I hate shopping for me but LOVE shopping for Walker!!!  Seriously whoever makes kids clothes laces them with crack (for the eyes obviously) so that they are irresistible! 

-Before I felt kinda guilty about heading to bed before 9pm-now I don’t even bat an eye.  I also consider it a huge accomplishment. 

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Resolution schmesolution.

I don’t stick to things.  I don’t do training programs, or diets, I rarely follow through with things.  So while the thought of making a resolution sounds good-I know I won’t follow through with it.  So instead I think I am going to pick a word to focus on this year.  I’ve heard about this for a few years now from the Christian radio station I listen to-Klove(if you’ve never listened-google it-it is national and if there isn’t an actual radio station by you, you can pick it up via the computer or smart phone).  None the less the thought is to focus on one word to shape your year. 
So of course I have to tweak things-I have two words.  My words for 2012 are going to be ‘positive’ and ‘happy’.  There was a time when I was a happy go lucky, goofy girl.  But I think the year 2006 took a lot of that spring from my step.  (Another blog post-or 20).  None the less, now that I’m a mom-it is so important to me that I find that person again.  I want Walker to keep his happy goofy personality and my generally negative demeanor will not help that.  So I want to focus on being happy not only for Walker but for me.  The second part of this is being positive.  I am prone to being negative.  To thinking the worst about everyone and everything.  It is tough being the negative one married to a man who is super happy all the time.  So really I just need not be so negative and life would be so much easier. 
Not so much a resolution, just an effort-to be more positive and re-find the happy goofy, go-lucky Hope.  J