Fork you P.S.

I didn't exactly finish this blog-I think I just came up with the fork you and then forgot I had more to write.  Excitement over a fork-silly. 

One of the other parts that comes with your spouse deploying is loneliness.  Plain and simple your life gets lonely.  Or at least mine did.  In my world, I married Doug because he was my best friend, the person who I like to find trouble with, find God with, sleep through movies as he watches them with, talk to about everything-seriously as soon as something happens he is the first person I want to tell, not talk to as soon as I wake up because I don’t talk in the morning, sit next to as I blog-you get the point.  One of the best parts of marriage is you have a full time companion.  Someone to do stuff with! 

Now that I’m a housewife/stay-at-home Mom that companion thing is even more so important.  My day is literally planned around Walker first and foremost and then Doug.  I take care of Walker all day and then do millions of chores/errands so when Doug walks through the door-there is less to do and more time for us to spend together.  I really enjoy it.  Now instead of on the weekends me talking him into cleaning a bathroom and playing rock-paper-scissors for who gets to clean the big bathroom-we look at each other and ask ‘what do you WANT to do’?  That is sooooo nice!  (BTW we still totally play rock-paper-scissors for diaper changes….though Doug looses.  Instead of putting out two fingers for scissors like he intended-he put one out….the game is rock-paper-scissors…not make up your own weapon-you lose! Lol….)

But without my companion-it may seem like I’m just cleaning and recleaning and recleaning a house with no fun in sight!!!!!  No 6 o’clock to look forward to.  Because no one is coming through that door to play rock-paper-scissors with me and laugh at Walker’s new antics. 

So I think I may take to traveling this spring.  (Walker and Hope coming to a town near you-possibly.)  The only commitements I have here are my reserve duty and bible study.  My reserve duty I may be able to take on the road once we figure out how to hook the CAC reader so I can work from home (or your home).  Bible study-I can’t give that up-because I’m leading it-eeeek!  (That is another post subject, woah nelly there!)  But none the less those are Wed and Thurs and then my one weekend a month.  So maybe Thursday night through Tuesday nights I’ll be a traveling gnome (with a baby gnome of course…). 

Fork you loneliness-I shall not sit at home and be bored and lonely.  Rock-paper-scissors-lets see where Walker and Hope end up!!!! 

Fork you!

If you ignore it, it is almost like running away from it.  But if you dwell on it, it wins.  So lets mention it, get everything out there and then plan to conquer it! 

Fear. 

There is nothing like a deployment to strike fear in the heart of a wife.  And now I’m a mother!  Fear likes to pretend it is my best friend (it hasn’t gotten the memo that that place was taken by God a few years ago, but I’m working on telling it---and Worry-Worry & Fear are a traveling act).  So to begin with-let’s talk about the one thing no one likes to talk about-but since I have a morbid sense of humor/outlook on some things and I’ve worked mortuary affairs-death.  To be honest this isn’t the top of my fears list-but I’ll mention it for good measure.  I know the truth, the statistics, the chances.  But I also know I have God-so whatever may happen God has plans for us-for us to prosper and not to be afraid. 

To be quite honest my biggest fear is of being a single mother.  (Now I mean no disrespect to actual single mothers, but I am not, but it will sure feel like it.)  I am afraid of falling out of love with my child.  I mean I love him, but I can appreciate his ridiculousness more when I get ample Walker-free time.  I know I have been super selfish and spoiledly taken advantage of football season and Doug’s night owl-ness and called it ‘father-son bonding time’.  When really, I was dumping Walker and running away so I could re-charge my battery.  I am so scared of when Walker starts teething or gets sick and is crazy needy and I have no reprieve.  It’s all me, all Mom, all the time.  How do I keep my sanity and my love for my child? 

Well first I know I will have to stop being selfish.  It will help if I learn how to be slow to anger and quick to listen and love like Jesus is always telling me.  Though I’ve been fighting that battle for quite a while-anger is my first learned language I feel like sometimes.  I know I’m going to need help-so I have to be willing to ask for and accept it.  But in the end I have to realize I am only one human.  I will fail at a thing or two, my home may not be as clean as I’d like, I may not be as clean as I’d like, I will probably never fix my hair….but so long as I remember God will be with me, Walker and I will be fine. 

I have goals, my main goal is for Walker not to need therapy as an adult.  I figure if that doesn’t happen-I didn’t totally bomb as a mom :p  But I just have to remember while this may feel like forever and that tantrum when I’m exhausted may seem like the worst thing ever, it isn’t.  This too shall pass. 

So fork you deployment fear.  You won’t win.