Saturday, August 28, 2010

Someone busted up my I'm awesome party.....

Ever make a decision thinking "I'm going to do this because it's the right thing to do and I'm better than the other person because I know they wouldn't do it, and they'd pass the buck. Therefore I'm awesome b/c I'm the bigger person doing this"? Well I totally did that this week. Someone asked me to do something, though it wasn't completely in my lane, I quickly said sure I'd take care of it. Then quickly thought what a great person I was because I didn't tell them that that is really someone else's job. Patted myself on the back a few times, felt awesome doing this bit of 'charity' work. Only to have it blow up in my face! I literally couldn't do the work, the system wouldn't allow! I did all the prep work, got it 90% done and couldn't finish because of the way our system was set up. So I quickly thought no biggie I'd give it to the person who should have rightfully done it in the first place (I'd done the majority of the work, they would thank me right??). Only to have that person give me, holier than thou, attitude! What? I'm awesome, I was doing good deeds, doing the good deed dance??!! Ok maybe not dancing, pretty sure that isn't allowed in uniform, where I work.

Moral of my story: I need to stop congratulating myself because I'm soooo much better than people, and realize that everyone is going to disappoint me because there is only one Jesus. I need to do good deeds because that is love and love is God. When I do these good deeds I don't need anyone's thanks or congratulations, I just need to do them.

So this is my prayer, that I will love, as God loves, because God is love.

1John4:7-8
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Real Quick Like

Thank the Lord for some cooler, more bearable weather! Ah God thank you! Also want to give thanks for some less stressful days at work-last week I was hating it-this week not so tough! Praise him for giving me things to look forward to! Like Doug coming to see me for a bit before he goes to Pittsburgh to see his family and for his brother/sister-in law niece AND nephew coming next weekend to visit. Stoked to share our home w/ our family! God is Good! :)

Monday, August 23, 2010

Silence and Obligation

I know I know I’ve been quite the slacker with my own blog! It all started with a church service that focused on listening to God. In service we stopped and just sat in silence with God for a few minutes….IT WAS TORTURE. I was out, in public, I wanted to look around, to sing, to do anything but just sit in silence…even if it was with God. I then realized this clearly was an area in which I had room to grow. I then started to just take time to listen to God. I will admit that I still am not very good at it. I find myself doing it when I don’t want to do something else that I should (get out of bed and go to the gym…no I’ll just lay here and listen for God…), or find myself doing the talking. (And I’m pretty sure a time or two I asked for my neon sign again. “Hope, this way”….) So needless to say, I am still working on this. Working on blocking everything out, making time for God rather than squeezing him in when I’m procrastinating and really opening my heart for God to speak to me.
I’ve also been struggling with acts of service or gifts that should be out of love…but are not, and not expecting anything in return. To me, I feel like too many occasions (and people in my life) have obligated gifts associated with them. Don’t get me wrong I LOVE giving gifts. Love thinking about them, deciding what neat thing I’m going to buy or make (all the better) and then surprising people with them. I despise when I am obligated to give a gift. You tell me I HAVE to do anything, and immediately I don’t want to do it…really badly! (I also have the inverse problem…tell me not to do something and that makes me really want to do it…but that is not today’s woe…lol). So how do I trade obligation and ‘I don’t wanna’ into…I love you and love giving gifts. I haven’t quite conquered it (in fact I’ve put off getting a gift that I know I just need to get and send…) but I’m praying…praying that God will fill my heart with his unconditional love. The love that wishes to give and serve, always.

Father, thank you for the amazing weekend Doug and I spent together. I pray I can continue growing in my quest to sit in the silence and soak up your word, to really listen to what you are telling me. Lord I also pray that you’d help me to not expect anything in return from those I give gifts to, and to, no matter the circumstance, give freely and with your love. In your son’s amazing name I pray, Amen!