Mo better...

I know I'm supposed to go to God whenever I have a trial. I'm leading a study on James and that much I've got. Ask, believe that God will and can respond and ye shall receive. But how does ye ask God to stop Walker from continually making the 'uhhhhhhhhhhhh' noise...WHEN NOTHING IS WRONG? On the inside I'm thinking 'God please just SHUT HIM UP!' Seriously Hope, you lead bible study, and that's how you pray? 'yes, that's all I've got.'

Yea, I know God hears my silly prayers, but sometimes I feel like I need to know how to talk to him mo better. You know like I wish Walker would talk to me mo better.

And with that I'm digging into my bible mo better.

Pre-Momma conceived notions

I have noticed that there are quite a few differences between me before I was a Mom and the new Momma Hope.  Here are a few examples:

-Before if I would go out and run errands or something without Doug I would scan parking lots and stores for creepy men.  Now I scan them for creepy baby lovers.  I can’t specify the age or gender because these people come in all shapes and sizes.  (Though to be honest, I do think old people are the worst offenders).  One day I was about to go into a store and was at the car getting my carrier ready so I could wear Walker.  I am just about to pick Walker up from the car seat when I hear a few loud claps SUPER close behind me.  I turn around, and there is an old man less than 2 feet from me, staring at Walker, clapping trying to get his attention.  I wanted to deck him.  (I quickly thought how lucky he is that I don’t actually have PTSD b/c I may have.)

-Before I thought the best diet was war.  No really.  Eating at the same chow hall for six months really does wonders for your diet.  Especially when you are in love with the salad bar, only to learn salad is fiber and you are eating a TON of it!  Or the flip side, send your husband to war and you go play with the Army for the summer and work with dead people’s stuff.  Yea, pretty good diet there too.  Now the best diet is the “I will do anything, no matter how time consuming it is, to ensure that you are not screaming.  Holy crap it’s 4pm and all I’ve eaten is a power bar and some peanut butter crackers?!!”.  I know this will be followed by the toddler years of “dude, that was on my plate” and the soccer mom years of “dude, you have soccer and football AND piano today?!!!”.  

-Before I honestly thought Moms were kinda lazy and just didn’t care about what they looked like, thus things like the mommy jeans.  Now I realize sometimes don’t even have the time to not care, because taking care of the little one is sooooo much more important than fixing your hair.  Besides chances are that he is just going to try and puke in your hair anyways!  Though a daily shower is still a requirement (well most days anyways)

-Before I thought shopping for new clothes for me was the best!  Now I hate shopping for me but LOVE shopping for Walker!!!  Seriously whoever makes kids clothes laces them with crack (for the eyes obviously) so that they are irresistible! 

-Before I felt kinda guilty about heading to bed before 9pm-now I don’t even bat an eye.  I also consider it a huge accomplishment. 

Resolution schmesolution.

I don’t stick to things.  I don’t do training programs, or diets, I rarely follow through with things.  So while the thought of making a resolution sounds good-I know I won’t follow through with it.  So instead I think I am going to pick a word to focus on this year.  I’ve heard about this for a few years now from the Christian radio station I listen to-Klove(if you’ve never listened-google it-it is national and if there isn’t an actual radio station by you, you can pick it up via the computer or smart phone).  None the less the thought is to focus on one word to shape your year. 

So of course I have to tweak things-I have two words.  My words for 2012 are going to be ‘positive’ and ‘happy’.  There was a time when I was a happy go lucky, goofy girl.  But I think the year 2006 took a lot of that spring from my step.  (Another blog post-or 20).  None the less, now that I’m a mom-it is so important to me that I find that person again.  I want Walker to keep his happy goofy personality and my generally negative demeanor will not help that.  So I want to focus on being happy not only for Walker but for me.  The second part of this is being positive.  I am prone to being negative.  To thinking the worst about everyone and everything.  It is tough being the negative one married to a man who is super happy all the time.  So really I just need not be so negative and life would be so much easier. 

Not so much a resolution, just an effort-to be more positive and re-find the happy goofy, go-lucky Hope.  J