While this shouldn’t be a big event it is. Today we have no eggs, no milk for cereal, only ½ of a bagel-which for me spells NO BREAKFAST. However instead of freaking out, or rushing to the expensive grocery store around the corner, I ate applesauce (left over from my first trimester when that was the only remotely healthy thing I would eat). So why is this important-because somewhere in the craziness of the last few months, I have stopped stressing. Now don’t get me wrong, I still stress (couldn’t sleep last weekend when my family was here because my mind was racing w/ all that I needed to do for our party and to take care of them). But, there are really big things (yes bigger than my lack of breakfast food), going on in our (Doug and I’s) lives that I totally should be stressing but I’m not!
Let’s take a look:
1-We’re having a baby-a real live baby. Anyone that has been to my house lately knows how many plants I have killed. I recently turned down a request to rabbit sit because I wasn’t sure how I’d do (I did take her fish-which reminds me I need to feed him), and we all remember my previous dog, Seven (he went back to the pound).
2-(Let’s compound that ‘we’re having a baby’ with) I’ve decided to quit my job. When you ask? Roughly two weeks before the baby is due-income will stop coming in. Cause babies just need my love and that is free right?
3-I had a plan for a job, a good job. I was working that plan, totally in charge of that plan, until the Air Force put a freeze on hiring civilians. Bye bye plan.
As a recap-I have a baby in my belly (GET IN MY BELLY!-oh wait you already are…), we will be a one income family 2 weeks before the baby is born, and my job prospect is frozen (oh yea and I’ve been looking for others and haven’t really found anything). Which brings me to the biggest revelation of all….DUN DUN DUN….There is a possibility that I could not find a job, and end up being a stay at home Mom! *gaspshriekyellpanic*
Here is the weirdest part of allI thi….wait for it….drum roll please…I think I could actually enjoy that. (I mean seriously I have been perfecting my baking skills, I’ve already devised a plan to nap during the day so I can enjoy the few hours I can spend w/ Doug due to his awful houred new job, and I really like the Today Show and Ellen. Not to mention, my fellow Air Force Captains who also separated and now have no jobs, and I are thinking of pitching a new series to TV networks…’Desperate former Air Force Captains turned Housewives’….title may need some work…) But for resls, the me, who thought there is no way in h-e-double hockey sticks I could be a stay at home wife & mom, is thinking I could make this work. I’d then get to ensure our children (yes we plan on procreating again), have a good solid early education. Also as Doug makes more rank, it will be harder for me to find a steady job and let’s face it-the more rank he makes the more money he makes, so the less reason I will have to. Not to mention he will have less time to run simple errands or pick up our kiddos from school or take them to soccer practice.
So-in the end, I am warming up to being a soccer mom. But to be quite honest, I am not doing this-God is. I have been praying to hear and understand God more clearly. (I hear of others who get audible answers from him and I don’t…or maybe I don’t listen well, I’m sure Doug would affirm that). While I haven’t heard him, I’m hearing him. I feel a great calm about what is ahead. The crazy uncertainty of what is ahead. Funny thing is no more than two months ago-I was stressing this like no other. Literally freaking out at work, calling friends to get advice-FREAKING OUT! Now that it is here, that I am cutting corners financially every way I can, that I will have a baby that I cannot return to sender, and this house may become my full-time employment location-I am so at peace. And this peace can only come from God (and the applesauce he gave me to feed me this morning.)
God-today I thank you for the immense peace you have given me. I pray I always remember you have a plan for us. So here I am, eating more applesauce awaiting your plans. Love Hope
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