New Design, New Season

Nothing really to post about, but I thought it had been too long, and I finally figured out how to update the design!  That had been driving me nuts.  This new design is a better representation of my life and shows my excitement for spring.  Really spring can't come fast enough.  Here I am wishing away my last few months before 'we' are 'three' but I can't help it.  March was stressful!  Taking two classes at the same time- one of which the teacher despises all of my work, a huge inspection at work, which no one in the office helped out with, work-oh my when I think they can't get wackier they do!  But April...oh April I'm so excited.  (Well minus the fact that Doug will be in Mississippi for that month...) but I'll only be taking one class...MY LAST CLASS...and the teacher grades super easy!  Work will slow down!  I have my college reunion-which I am so stoked to see everyone!  I will have time to do all the things around the house I've just pushed off or the baby has made me forget about and finally create my baby registry! 

But really, I'm excited about Easter too.  I'm sad that I won't get to spend it with Doug, but in the past few  years I haven't really had the time to focus on Easter and what it means.  This year with my woman's bible study and a little of studying on my own I'm attempting to get my heart ready for Easter.  B/c the reality of it is, Easter is the Superbowl of Christianity!  And it gets very little attention!  This is what it is all about folks!  We need Easter!  Easter was for us!  As you can tell I'm super into it ;)  At least my heart is anyways!

And because any post would not be complete without me admitting a fault here it is.  I publicly apologize to all pregnant women that went before me.  I seriously thought that anyone who gained a ton of weight was a lazy slob with no self control, who doesn't care about themselves or the baby and that pregnancy was soooo easy. BOY DID I HAVE THAT WRONG.  Now that I am that lazy slob with no self control (though I will say that all those people who constantly tell me "the baby needs this piece of cake" are not helping!), I understand.  So yes, I was a judgmental jerk (well if we're being honest I still am sometimes...I'm working on it...)-so I'm just putting this out there...from one judgmental jerk to the others out there...pregnancy is not a cake walk(well unless you count all the cake I've eaten)...you get my point.

Dear Lord,
Thank you for Easter.  Thank you for giving up your only Son so that I may be forgiven for my judgmental ways.  So that you may teach me the honest lessons of love that I need to learn.  In your Son's amazing name I pray-Amen!

11 min miles, a few extra pounds and a cold-how much more blessed can I be?

So I know I’ve been absent, but it was kinda difficult not spilling the beans about the coolest thing happening in my life! J  So now it’s public and I have really begun to process exactly what it means to be pregnant.  For the first time I think I truly am understanding what it means to put someone else’s needs before your own and to do something for someone else, not because you want to but because it is the right thing to do.  Most everyone knows I’m a workout-a-holic (freak I was called by a friend recently).  So when I was well into my first trimester and anything healthy seemed revolting and the only thing I wanted to eat was salt and vinegar potato chips and bread….it bothered me-a lot.  The doc even said, so long as I’m not throwing up-I should just eat what I could get down.  But we all know those extra pounds don’t come without some mental twangs.  It was really tough not to mentally berate myself when I’m staring down a piece of chicken because I know I should eat it, but yet I just want to butter that loaf of bread and down that, and that darn chicken is making me nauseous. 

Second case in point is working out-so since I know I have gained more weight than I should I wanted to work out.  But I knew that I need to watch my intensity (to high of heart rate could lead to ‘stealing’ blood that was meant for the baby to replenish the muscles/my heart that I’m working out).  That is so hard when I’m used to pushing myself through workouts!  To run an 11 min mile (well slower than that actually), and see that my heart rate is still too high-is heart breaking for the girl who used to lift as hard as she could and then run a mile as fast as she could just for fun!  It also brings about fears-what if I can’t get my body back?  What if I end up being a chunky mom like I vowed never to be?

Then there is the ultimate vanity issue-my hair.  It has been killing me that my doc recommended that I not dye it until the second trimester.  (Not that he thought anything would happen-but if anything did happen I’d be likely to find all sorts of things to blame and my pretty hair would be open game).  I wanted to wait right until the week I was out of my first trimester to make it pretty again.  But now I’m not quite so sure.

When I forget about my body and my hair and I think about the big picture-none of that matters any more.  God chose me (and Doug) to raise one of his children.  He entrusted me to carry it, and care for it.  So if that means I put on a few extra pounds and my hair isn’t the prettiest-in the end that is ok.  Oh how I can see my priorities changing and I know I don’t even know the half of it.  But as I sit here, suffering through a cold, for which I can’t take anything for-I know that if I can make it through this-and not be tempted to down some Nyquil so I can just get a good night’s sleep-then I will be doing my part to raise God’s child, as he intended.  Being sick isn’t my favorite, those few extra pounds are not my friend, and I still despise 11 min miles- but I know they are bringing me one step closer to one of God’s amazing blessings.  So I’ll try to enjoy my quarantine in the guest bedroom so I don’t get my husband sick, and not stress that I’m not going to the gym in the morning-and I’ll probably eat a peanut butter sandwich for breakfast, but God’s blessing is so much better than all of that!

I give you, you don’t give me, I don’t flip out

So recently I have been tested as I’d like to think of it, by a friend who simply doesn’t reciprocate.  Amazing person, but does not make the time to reciprocate the friendship.  At first it was troublesome, but then I took a step back.  A)-that person was going through things that my tiny world couldn’t even fathom.  So I had to take a step out of the normal attitude of 2010 (it isn’t that bad everybody goes through that)-no everyone doesn’t and I can’t expect everyone to react the same way.  And B)-God didn’t send us here to love the people that are easy to love (I have a feeling I honestly wouldn’t be as loved…b/c I’m a brat!)  But seriously-if we only love the people that it takes little or no effort to love, or the ones that are fun to love (generally under the age of 10)-then who loves everyone else?  So I have and am making a concerted effort to love those that don’t reciprocate the love and to not be offended by it. 

Excited, Nervous, Busy, stressed, and generally missing life...huh....

So lately things have gotten a little exciting around our house hold, and when I'm not caught up in the excitement, I get nervous or wrapped into the bus of our lives, that in turn honestly just stresses me out.  So when am I enjoying life again? Especially this time of year!  Seriously!  This is the time where I am supposed to remember how awesome life is because a tiny baby came into this world to save me from sin (and I totally need that every day!) {Side note-but awesome side note-seriously-this tiny baby, spitting, pooping, and needing to be coo-ed-is our savior-awesome!  Who doesn’t want to praise a tiny baby!  Talladega nights had something right, sorry…I’m rambling}

So what to do, what to do?  Well Doug challenged me the other night and made me think about all the extra things I put on my plate (or I make a priority).  So I’m trying to step back and really take a look at what I’m prioritizing.  It started today with me sitting at work, dead tired, wanting to take a nap, but thinking I should stay at work.  Then I realized I had no reason to so I left, went home and took a nap!  Beautiful.  Managed to do it guilt free too!  Amazing!  So I’m on a fantastic voyage, (without Coolio as my sidekick), to cut back on the things that I guilt myself into for no reason.  I realize I may disappoint someone along the way, but I will have to deal with that. 

I’m also attempting to really live in the moment more.  I’m notorious for making to do lists about the future, spacing off in a convo-because I’m planning the next thing I need to do (Doug knows that sometimes even though I try I don’t listen to what he is saying…), or just generally not enjoying an experience because I’m contemplating and planning another one.  (Seriously I’m always counting down to something that is going to make my life awesome….)  So I’m really trying to live in the moment.  Take time to enjoy the company I am with, and not think/plan anything else. 

So here is to cutting out the unnecessary things I pile on my plate (not literally because I will prolly still eat too much this Christmas), and living in the moment. 

God, thank you for all that you have blessed me with.  I pray that you will assist me in my current venture and that this will in turn make my walk with you stronger.  Let me remember that the excitement you have placed in my life is to be true excitement, and not stress.  Let me remember that above all this life is about love, and stress and taskers have no place in love.  Thank you for that precious baby.  Amen. 

P.S. I dedicate this blog to someone who keeps praising my work.  You remind me that this isn't just a rambling of my silly thoughts-but this is God and I am to spread God-even if it is my silly thoughts.  Thank you.  

A game of catch

About once a week, or on a good streak-once every two weeks I play catch w/ God.  Well not catch I guess.  More like I throw the ball to him, and then run and take it back.  So like a 2 year old's version of catch.  I get these terrible headaches and neck pains.  Literally for the last week I have gone to bed and woken up in some sort of pain.  I have wonderful drugs that ensure I can sleep which is awesome, until I wake up.  Some days I vow to do everything I can-eat right, exercise, stay active during the day, ect.  And yet I still get the pain at some point during the day. 

I feel like/ and often do cry out to God:
(Psalm 4) Answer me when I call to you,
      O God who declares me innocent.
   Free me from my troubles.
      Have mercy on me and hear my prayer.

But I know I also need to have faith that God can and will take away my pain.
Psalm 27:5:

    ⁵ For he will conceal me there when troubles come;
      he will hide me in his sanctuary.
      He will place me out of reach on a high rock.

So-I'm starting a new game.  It is like the last hole on the put put course.  I may not score a hole in one, but when I do get it in the hole-give it to God fully-and don't reach my hand in to try and get my ball back.  I will get a prize much greater than keeping my golf ball.

Game on!  God I give you my pain-I will depend on you to take this pain away from me.  You will place me out of reach from this pain.


P.S.  This is not to say that I am going to stop physical therapy but I will not depend on it like I will God.  

baby Christian meets sin city

So today wraps my first (intentional) trip to Las Vegas.  I really had no idea what to expect; but really wasn't prepared for the barrage of sin that I would meet and be faced with.  I began to battle the sin with an overall attitude of disgust. Only to realize that simply made me upset, not to mention feel awful snooty.  It took a day, by myself, walking the strip to realize what I should be doing-praying.  I prayed for the city, for the young women who were in the 'industry', for those that found themselves in trouble in the city, and for the men who passed me on the street-I thanked God for keeping me safe in the city.  So it took a while, but I am now at peace that Vegas just may not be for me-but I can still pray and praise in this city.
Thank you Lord for reminding me that I can ALWAYS pray.  Lots of prayers, baby steps for this baby Christian.     

I resolve

to continue to pray and be thankful for:
-those less fortunate.  And I mean in every way.  When I can look past the messy house, the ache in my neck, my homework that won't do itself and my job that isn't my favorite, I realize.  God blessed me with: good health, my soul-mate, a family to keep me balanced, friends across the globe, a job, the house I always wanted, amazing fall weather, and most of all the forgiveness that comes through Christ.  I am so quick to be down on something, that I really have to take an extra look and realize, how much God has blessed me with.  It's AMAZING!!!!
     - I need to pray for those less fortunate, and to not pity them, but to pray that they be blessed in the Lord's love through whatever trial they may be going through.
     - I am also resolving to be better at acts of kindness.  ah...I almost listed all the things I'm working on.  bahaha....almost got me satan.  I'm going to resolve to not boast my acts of kindness.
- I am going to remind myself to be thankful for the situations, thought they are not my favorite, they still have many good qualities.  For example, work-I generally feel like I'm babysitting my 58 year old boss.  However, my job is sweet: I get to come and go whenever I want; I tell my boss what I want to do; I work right across the hall from my darling husband, so we get to eat together and hang out a lot more than we normally wold. 
- I'm praying for patience.  Oh man do I need that.  I guess what I'm really working on more is turning everything over to God.  For example our current journey to add to our family.  Man did I just want it to happen first time out the gates!  But I'm turning it over to God.

May your will be done, in my body, my job, my life and others.  Lord you provide all that we need.  Remind us that every day.  Thank you-for the pain in my neck, I know I'm still alive.  For my messy house-I can afford a home.  For my homework, you have given me education.  For my adult daycare job-I am appreciated and trusted.  And for everything else, may I be subtly reminded to not take anything for granted. 

I resolve.....